


The Art of Falling Apart

by 2000pancakes



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AS IN SLEEP, Angst, F/M, First Order Base shenanigans, Fluff, Force Bond, Helping each other sleep, Hux is up to no good, Only sleep, Post TLJ, Rey x Ben Solo - Freeform, Reylo - Freeform, TLJ Spoilers, They will sleep together at some point, hand holding, nothing else, prisoner rey, this fic is pg-13 and it stays that way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-24 02:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13203876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2000pancakes/pseuds/2000pancakes
Summary: The slowly dying stars of Kylo Ren and Rey were always destined to collide.





	1. Nothing

The Millennium Falcon was writhing on the inside with life. The bodies of the broken, the sick, the weak and the survivors. They breathed together and with each breath the dying heart of the Resistance had new life being pumped into it. The blood that ran through its veins was thick and slow, but it was there, however weak. There was still hope. There would always be hope. There were maybe forty souls on board and Rey could almost listen to the silent, sleeping breathing of each of them. She felt their fears, their hopes tense in the air around her. She could barely breathe.

She lay awake in her bunk, staring at the ceiling of the Falcon. Never had she felt the force so strong around her, it made no sense. In every sense, it should be weak. She had just been broken and beaten down, she had seen hope burning so brightly before her and then had had it be snuffed out before she could fully grasp at it. Her heart lay shattered at the bottom of her stomach, the shards digging into her sides, making her spirit bleed.

Never before had she felt more like nothing.

She had saved all these lives, she had saved the very flame of the resistance and now she stood at the forefront of it, all of these people looking towards her for guidance, for direction and for hope. So why was it now that she felt like waves in an ocean, directionless? Crashing, moment after moment, onto the beach. She had no control, no sense of togetherness. Only a single mass, forever in motion, not entirely free. A speck of dust in the wind. And above it all, the ache. That dull throb of pain echoed from the moment she had closed the door on Kylo Ren. She could see the moment of betrayal on his face the minute she had pushed the button. That flinch. The hopelessness, he had felt it too.

No, she stopped herself. She couldn’t think of him. Not Kylo Ren, not Ben Solo. She would not let herself be drawn into that darkness. Into that deep abyss. She had to think of the future. The future of the Resistance. They would need more allies, she knew. They couldn’t wage war against the First Order with forty soldiers. There must be people out there with their allegiances towards them. The Resistance was the voice of the people, it was the breathing body of the galaxy. The soul of it. The First Order stood for power, for darkness. For control. The Resistance and the Republic, they were the light, the hand that reached out, the one that listened. This was not going to be the end of the Resistance, Rey was sure of it. This was not going to be the end of hope. Somehow, they would build up their strength. They would find allies, they would build up an army again. They would light the spark once again. Tend to the flame.

They had lost the battle, but the war was not over. Not for a long time. She could feel it. The future, only the shape of it, but it was solid, touchable to her. The future did not hold darkness and it did not hold discord and chaos. The future held light, hope and a new beginning.

And still, she found that she could not sleep.

So she stayed awake, simply staring, imagining, dreaming with her eyes open.

And then she felt it.

The silent echo that she had known so well.

She did not turn to look, she knew who lay beside her. She was not angry, he had no control over this and neither did she. She felt only sadness, a longing for a different outcome. She did not want to be aware of the sound of his breathing, at the rise and fall of his chest in the corner of her eye. She did not want to think of how close their hands were, just laying side by side. Kylo Ren did not say anything either. Two souls, impossibly far apart, lying alongside each other in silence. A part of her wanted to speak to him, to call him Ben and see him turn to look at her, she wanted to look into his eyes and see if he felt as she did. She wanted to know that she was not alone. She wanted to know if he felt like he was drifting too, in a sea of nothing. She wanted to know if the world felt so distant, untouchable to him as well. She wanted to know if the force was making him feel everything that happened around him in such vivid detail, making the movement of life around them so unbearably real, when all she wanted was to fade into obscurity.

She wanted to know.

But still, she looked away from him. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to bear looking into those eyes. Not tonight. Not while her world was slowly crumbling around her.

Her hand could not be stopped though. Sliding across the sheets of the bunk, lightly brushing against his. All she needed was to feel that he was there, all she needed was for him to not pull away and then she would know that there was still hope. Their fingers intertwined and they lay there for a while, while the force connected them.

As Rey continued to stare into the ceiling, her breathing swayed as suddenly her vision became blurred, darkened. She was still lying in her bunk in the Falcon, but before her she saw the blackness of space. They drifted in and out of reality, the force guiding them. And then they saw it.

Rey had never seen a dying star before, but she could not mistake it.

A giant mass of light, slowly falling apart before her and Kylo. There was something bittersweet and beautiful about it. The colorful clouds of gas that were erupting from it, painting a symphony of light that would last for millions of years.

There they both were, watching this display of death, the soul of the star serenading their silence. Rey felt like she was staring into the heart of the force, this was one the essences of it. A great collision of light and dark, the balance. A beginning and an end merged together in such a horrifically beautiful way. There were planets somewhere near the star probably, they would soon become obliterated as a result of this and the inevitable end would be the formation of a black hole, the ultimate symbol of the unknown, of nothingness.

This was the force.

“Rey,” was all he said.

“I see it too,” she replied.

And then it faded, and so did he. And she was alone again. In a bunk on the Millennium Falcon, surrounded by people filled with hope and relief, in her soul she was beginning to fall. Only slightly, it was there.

And in those few moments that they had had together, Rey knew that Kylo felt it too.


	2. Torn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And under the stars of a thousand nights  
> Beyond,  
> And under the eyes of a thousand kings  
> Before,  
> And watch the darkness setting in,  
> Hide me from that curse of light.  
> Let me weep for what died before it was  
> Born.  
> Let me dream of a man that once was not  
> Torn."  
> -Anon

General Hux was overseeing the construction of the new First Order command ship. It was mainly his own design. It was smaller than the Dreadnought, but faster and deadlier. The shield systems on the ship were far more sophisticated than any that the First Order had ever used before. He walked along the platform, watching as the workers slaved away at the dark metal.

He saw the stormtrooper walk up to him, “Sir, there’s someone who wants to see you.”

“Did they give a name?” he asked.

“They said that it was about Project Astotikas.”

“Ah,” Hux nodded, “that, I’ll be down right away.”

Hux sent the stormtrooper away and turned to look at the base, staring at the Supreme Leader’s new quarters. He knew that Kylo Ren was in there, brooding, doing absolutely nothing to help the cause of the First Order. He had been like that for days now, locked away.

Hux left the platform, walking quickly down the stairs. He saw the bounty hunter dressed in black standing a few feet away.

“You fool,” Hux hissed, grabbing her by the shoulder and forcing them to walk a little while away from the construction site, “I told your boss to never send one of you scum to a First Order base.”

“The information I have is far too sensitive to be transmitted any other way, General.”

She pressed something into his hand, “I suggest you read it alone. And know that if I didn’t fear so for my life I would have destroyed this the minute I knew its contents.”

“Tell your employer that his work has been pleasing so far.”

“You are playing with strange and evil forces, General. I hope I am far away from the reach of the First Order once your plan comes into play.”

Hux snatched his hand away from hers, shoving the disc into his coat pocket, “and you should know that once this is underway there will be nowhere that the First Order cannot reach.”

The bounty hunter turned and left without another word, Hux watched as she reached and then entered her ship.

He signaled for a nearby Stormtrooper, “get someone to follow that ship, destroy it as soon as she leaves the atmosphere.”

“Yes, General.”

Hux breathed deeply before returning to the base. His hand was in his pocket, lightly holding the disc.

 

Kylo sat in his quarters, staring attentively at the holomap before him. Every possible location, they had tried it. The few slithers of the Resistance that were left had disappeared into the galaxy. He had spies everywhere, but he did not know with whom their loyalties were. He looked out of his window and saw Hux standing on the construction platform. He did not know whether the loyalties of his own people lay with him or not.

He turned the Holomap off. He found himself surrounded by a web of secrets, lies, conspiracies… Hux thought he could not sense the betrayal that simply he reeked of. It was tense in the air around them whenever they spoke… the hatred, the deceit. Hux suspected something, he suspected that Kylo had lied about the battle in the Throne Room, about the murder of Supreme Leader Snoke. But he would not do anything now, Kylo thought to himself, no… he would wait. That’s what would happen. One of them was bound to fall at some point, one of them would shatter before the other and then the battle for power would begin. An awful game of waiting.

Kylo Ren had his power but General Hux had the loyalty of the entire First Order.

He stood up from his desk and walked over to his bed, sitting down. He had not slept in so, so long. The tiredness ate at him, swallowing him into that dark pit of everything and nothing. He had not slept since his last connection with Rey. How long had it been? 3 days? 4? A lifetime?

That beautifully terrifying display put before them by the force had scared him, the raw energy emanating from that night had kept him restless. Something was not right, he had known that much. He had often closed his eyes, desperate for some kind of calm, but could not escape the storm that was tearing his mind apart.

He thought that if he could see her again then maybe she could put a stop to everything. Maybe she could temper the winds that screamed and the thoughts that tore. But he could not find her. She had locked her mind away, trying to make their connection fade.

It hurt him.

The only real bond he had felt with anyone in his life, trying to shut him out. He should have expected it, the pushing away. He did expect it. However, he had not considered the overwhelming sadness and regret that would come with it. He had played their moments together over and over again in his mind, each time becoming angrier at himself for tearing her away unintentionally. What had he been thinking? In the moment, he had truly believed in the vision he had had of him and Rey, together. But he realized that he had embellished what he had seen, warped and twisted it to fit his own view of reality. The pieces of the future had been missing, he had filled in the gaps. Perhaps she did the same. Perhaps the future that they had both seen was nothing more than another trick.

He lay himself down, staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore that shadows that would begin to crawl on his walls. That was what happened when you let the past die, when you killed it as viciously as he had. Its ghosts came back to haunt you.

 

Rey was sleeping, dreaming. Sleep fell away from her lightly as the morning came and she listened to the sounds of the forest around her. The slow breathing of the people around her. She sat up on her bunk, yawning and looking up at the dimly lit sky, admiring the shape of the clouds as they were colored by the sun.

It was peaceful here, but something was tugging at her insides. A sort of wallowing sadness that wouldn’t leave her. She knew to whom it belonged. She let herself embrace that hollow feeling, the loneliness, the sorrow.

She had broken him, she felt that. The least she could do was try and share the pain, weaken it. Perhaps it would hurt him less.

 


	3. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The location of the new Resistance Base is discovered by the First Order.

Rey sensed it before anyone else.

She jumped out of her bunk, quickly yelling for everyone to get up.

“What is it?” a voice asked.

“The First Order,” Rey said, “they’ve found us. They’re coming.”

There was no panic that ensued, everyone knew what had to be done. Quickly and orderly, as they had practiced in the drills, they made their way into the ships, grabbing only essential supplies. Rey ushered people, watching the skies. Sure enough, she began to see the First Order’s fleet descending on the planet, into the forest.

The thickness of the trees would buy them some time at least, it was difficult to find a place to land in these places.

“Rey!” Poe ran up to her, grabbing her shoulder.

“What is it?” she asked.

“General Organa, she wasn’t in her tent.”

Rey stared at him, “where would she be, then.”

“I don’t know, but can you look for her? I have to pilot one of the evacuation ships.”

Rey nodded, “you go, I’ll find her.”

Poe left and Rey looked around the forest camp. She used the force to try and find the general, she only picked up a faint wisp somewhere in the deepness of the forest. Where the First Order fleet would be landing.

Rey sighed, heading off in that direction.

 

Kylo heard it as soon as he set foot onto the ground, the faintest whisper in the distance.

“Head to the base,” he ordered, “and inform the fleet to destroy any ships that leave the ground. Today the Resistance ends.”

“Yes, sir.”

Hux stepped out behind him, “is she here?” he asked.

Kylo looked at him, “yes.”

“Will you kill her?”

Kylo drew his lightsaber and began to head into the forest, “you underestimate me.”

“She has defeated you twice, Supreme Leader. And she murdered Snoke. Perhaps you underestimate her.”

Kylo pretended not to hear him, taking long strides through the forest. As soon as he was far away enough from Hux he switched his lightsaber off and stopped.

He closed his eyes and tried to listen.

_“My son.”_

He breathed, continuing to walk through the trees.

 

Rey hid from Stormtroopers as they marched past her towards the base, as she peered through the forest she could see more coming with lights. She looked up the tree in front of her.

She had done her fair share of climbing when in Jakku. She knew how to make her way up old shells of ships and other ruins. A tree could hardly be any different.

She placed a hand on one of the lower branches and pushed herself up.

 

Kylo found himself off the set course. He was no longer heading in the direction of the Resistance camp, that’s not where she was. He walked through the dimly lit forest, listening to the sounds of the madness happening a while away. Closer to him there were the sounds of the night. Insects chirping beneath his feet, through the force he could listen to the breathing of small animals, the movements they made in their sleep. He could sense startling some of them as he walked past their woodland homes. Then came the sound of running water and he saw the river.

 

Rey jumped from tree to tree, nearly slipping once or twice, never falling. It gave her a strange thrill, being so high off the ground. She dared not look down, however. The trees were tall and their trunks were thin. She stopped for a second as she saw lights enter the sky. Poe’s ship. The first load of evacuees. She sensed that most of her friends were on that ship. She watched as it dodged the fire of the First Order fleet, thank the stars it was Poe piloting. She watched as it flew off into the night sky, waiting until she saw the dash that meant they had gone into hyperdrive. She sighed. One down, three to go.

She continued to climb her way through the forest, still looking for the general. It was then when she sensed someone else… Kylo Ren was in the forest.

He was looking for the general too.

 

Kylo saw her sitting by the riverside. She was sitting by the water’s edge admiring the reflection of the night sky.

“I knew you were coming,” she said, turning to look at him, “I heard you.”

He drew his lightsaber.

She sighed, “so it must end then?” She pushed herself up until she was standing before her son, “will it be painful?” she asked, “was it painful for your father?”

Kylo could not prevent the wetness forming in his eyes as he looked at his mother in the red glow of his lightsaber. There was no anger in her face, no hatred in her eyes. All he could see was a soft, sorrowful love that she had kept for him through all these years.

“You’re looking for him,” he said to her, “you’re still looking for your son. He isn’t here.”

“You’re wrong, Ben. He has always been here.” She put a hand over her heart.

Kylo clenched his fist tighter around the lightsaber, he tried to draw up the courage, the darkness… he needed to do this. This was the only way to return to the Dark Side. This was the only way to amputate whatever light was left in him, tormenting him.

 

Rey could see the red glow through the dark and her heart began to race. Was she too late? She jumped faster from tree to tree, using the force to propel her. Suddenly, she came to the forest edge. She saw the river, she saw Kylo and the lightsaber, and she saw Leia Organa standing before him.

She froze in place. If he was about to do something now, she wouldn’t be able to stop it.

She was too late after all.

 

Kylo looked once more into his mother’s eyes before switching off his lightsaber.

He said nothing, only turning his head towards the ground.

Leia Organa breathed, “my ship will be leaving soon,” she said, “I should get back.” She turned and left him. As soon as she reentered the forest Kylo fell to his knees, his head hunk low.

 

Rey watched as the scene played out, the lightsaber being drawn, Leia saying something before leaving him, Kylo collapsing to the ground. She could at that moment feel the hurt that washed over him, the feeling of being torn, the feeling of loss and hopelessness that came over him.

She felt weakened, just as he did.

It was in that moment that she did not hear the cracking of the branch beneath her foot. It snapped and she fell to the ground.

The fall seemed to last hours, she could not even register the sensations has she lost her footing. She was standing and then suddenly she was falling. Her back hit against branches on the way down, she hit her head on a few as well.

She closed her eyes as she braced herself for the final impact… but it never came.

 

He had caught her in time, he breathed in relief, his arm outstretched, protecting her from the fall. Gently, he lowered his hand and she landed on the forest floor.

Rey stood up, looking at him.

“Ben…” she said softly.

He swallowed, “I couldn’t do it,” he said… “I-…” he stopped himself, looking at Rey, “you, you’re coming with me.”

Rey shook her head, “no, Ben. I’m staying here.”

“Don’t force me to fight you, Rey.”

“I made up my mind, Ben. I don’t want to join you.”

“No, you don’t. I know that. I’m not trying to change your decision. But you’re still coming with me.”

Rey turned to run back into the forest, her breath got caught as she was forced to stop in her tracks.

“Let me go!”

“I’m sorry, Rey.”

He walked up beside her. She glared at him, “don’t you dare…”

Kylo waved his hand slightly beside her head, catching her as she fell as he had the time that they had first met.

He carried her to his ship, first making sure that there was no one in sight, Hux and the others must have been at the Resistance base.

He laid her down in a bunk in his cockpit, before he took off he used his com to let one of the Stormtrooper captains that he was leaving the planet.

He stole glance at Rey before taking off, he felt guilty taking her prisoner again.

But they were enemies after all.


	4. Deceit

Rose finally found Finn standing outside one of the last evacuation ships.

“Finn!” she cried out, running to hug him.

“Rose! You got here alright.”

“Yeah, I did,” she examined his expression, “is everything okay?”

“It’s just… I can’t find Rey anywhere.”

“Are you sure she wasn’t on one of the last ships?”

“I’ve looked through the rest and there isn’t any left in this one.”

“Well she has to be around somewhere, come on, let’s look for her.”

Rose and Finn searched the landing platform, checking the med bays, the cockpits of the transport ships. They spoke to Poe and checked with Chewie, no one had seen her.

“I’m getting worried,” Finn said, “what if we left her on Karel?”

“Captain Liwu did a full sweep of the forest after the First Order left. There was no one there.”

“How many casualties were there?”

“Three, none of them Rey though. We would have known.”

Finn looked out across the new Resistance base, scanning the faces of those around him. He saw General Organa walk out of her ship.

“General!” Finn called, running up to her.

“Finn! What is it?”

“It’s Rey, have you seen her?”

Her expression fell, “no. I don’t believe she’s here.”

Finn took a step back just as Rose was catching up to him, “what?”

“Finn, I… I can’t be sure. But I think she’s with the First Order.”

“Oh my God,” Rose covered her mouth, looking up to Finn, “how?”

The General put her hand on Finn’s shoulder, “It’s just a thought, don’t lose hope.”

“Yes, General,” Finn said softly as she walked away. He turned to Rose, “I… I don’t…”

“Come here,” Rose pulled him into a hug, “Rey is strong. She’ll be fine… wherever she is…”

 

Rey opened her eyes.

The room was warm, dark. She sat up, feeling the softness of the bed that she was lying on. She examined the sheets, a fine black silk. They were pleasantly cool to the touch. She looked around the place that she was in. The room wasn’t small, it was decently sized and bigger than anything Rey had ever had to herself before.

She got off of the bed and started to examine the various items around.

The door was locked, she struggled with it for a while but to no avail. What had she expected? She was a prisoner here.

There was a closet of sorts, it was locked as well. In one corner there sat a desk. On it was a calligraphy set and a box of ink, there were a few pages with what looked like notes on the designs on certain First Order fleet ships. There was a small box on one corner, upon opening it up a little Rey found a collection of small precious stones. She inspected one of them, it looked like a pure black crystal. She closed the box and slid it back to where it was.

A door in the room led to a bathroom, there wasn’t much in it.

Rey sat down at the desk and tried to read the writing on some of the pages. It was in an alphabet unfamiliar to her. She knew how to read the most common languages in the galaxy, but she hadn’t learned to read whatever this was. She instead admired the grace of the writing. The lines and curves of the letters had such a consistency to them, they belonged to someone who had just about perfected the writing. She traced a finger along the words, trying to follow the swerves of the lines.

The door opened and Rey jumped out of the seat, Kylo walked in, quickly closing the door behind him.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Let me go.”

He sighed, “I can’t, Rey. I’m sorry.”

“Is this your room?”

Kylo looked around the place, “this? No. This is a room I had set aside for me where I can hide from the likes of Hux.”

“Your General?”

He nodded, glancing at the papers she was looking at, “can you read it?” he asked.

Rey shook her head.

He sighed, “it’s a form of ancient writing, I can read it a little, but I’m more interested in the alphabet. It’s very sophisticated for the time it came from.”

Rey stepped away from the desk, turning to face him, “are you going to let me go?”

“I can’t let you get away, not again.”

“What do you want from me?”

He looked into her eyes, “you know what I want.”

“Ben, you know I can’t…”

“You’ve ripped a hole. A gaping hole in my chest and it’s tearing me apart from the inside.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do…” she tried to look away from him.

“We are connected, Rey.”

She looked up.

“I did not believe Snoke when he said he created the bond. Perhaps he influenced it, but even he didn’t have that kind of power,” he took a step towards her, “we’re equals. As my strength grows so does yours and as it falls, yours will too.”

“Ben…”

“It hasn’t happened to you now, it hasn’t happened to you yet but it will and it will burn like nothing you’ve ever felt before.”

“So what do I do?”

“I don’t know.”

Rey sighed, “you have fear inside you, Ben. I can feel it, so can you. You need to let it go.”

Kylo turned away from her, “I have to attend to some things. No one knows that you’re here, so if you hear a knock at the door or if anyone tries to open it stay silent. They’ll go away eventually.”

Before he left he turned and said to her, “I’ll bring you something to eat later I guess.”

The door shut and locked behind him.

Rey walked over to the bed and threw herself down onto it, trying to think of ways that she could escape.

 

Hux shielded himself from the rain, muttering angrily to himself about visiting ‘this forsaken planet’. A man was waiting for him a few meters away from his ship.

“General, it’s a pleasure.”

“Can we get out of this weather before we begin any pleasantries?”

“Of course, of course, please come inside.”

They entered a small bunker, Hux breathed in relief as they went inside, he shook the wetness off of himself, “so, where are we on the Project?”

“I’d give it a few more days at the most.”

“Excellent, can I see him?”

“You’re so eager, General, relax. We have all night.”

“My current Supreme Leader will begin to suspect if I am gone for too long.”

“Your _current_ Supreme Leader, General. If this works you may have a new reign on the First Order.”

“I already have a reign on the First Order. It’s the Resistance I need to put out, and that seems to be Kylo Ren’s weakness.”

“So, let us begin our discussions.”

“The armor.”

“I am almost sure that the suit is an exact replica, we had an expert in the old Republic’s armor works to craft it.”

“And the sensitivity to the force?”

“It’s embedded in the DNA, general. It runs through its blood. And the memory implants that we’ve made will ensure that it’ll have the abilities you require for this… venture.”

“So you’re saying it’s a perfect clone?”

“Nothing is perfect, but,” the man leaned forward, “I never met him, I’ve only heard the stories, and just the sound of his breathing makes the hairs on my neck stand up.”

“Good. Excellent. Can I see him?”

“Right this way.”

The man lead Hux down a corridor to a vault door, “it’s cold inside so you might want to stand back a bit.”

The man twisted a lever and opened the door, with a whoosh, gasses erupted from the sides as it swung open.

The cold forced Hux backwards a few steps. The man chuckled, “I told you.”

They entered the darkness, “where is it?”

The man switched on a light. Hux looked upon a large tank at the end of the room.

“Yes,” Hux said, “he’ll do perfectly indeed.”


	5. Lost

The room felt smaller and smaller the longer she was there. Kylo had come earlier and dropped off a bowl of… something. It seemed like some generic protein mush like the kind that they rationed sometimes at the Resistance. She had eaten it, placing the bowl back down by the door, and then lay down on the bed. With the lights off, Rey felt tired. She closed her eyes.

But after a while she realized that she couldn’t.

Her mind was too heavy on her. She sat up, sighing. Something was filling her, some kind of low throb in her stomach. It made its way up through her chest, settling in her heart. She could feel a subtle sadness to it, mixed with an anger and pain. The suddenness of it overwhelmed her, frightened her. She tried to breathe, tried to resist the choking in her throat as she did. Something had happened. She tried to call out to Kylo.

_“Ben.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“What happened?”_

And then he was there, sitting next to her on the bed.

“I-…” Rey started.

“I know.”

“What is it?”

He looked at her, “I told you that this would happen. Maybe, maybe it’s because you’re here and it’s been happening to me, maybe it’s because I became too weak to keep it all in me.”

Rey looked down, “this is how you feel?”

He said nothing, he only looked at her.

“Does it get any better?” she asked.

“You need to let me in, Rey. I’ll help you.”

She looked up at him, into his eyes, “how can you help me?” she asked, “I’m the one that did this.”

“Trust me,” his hand touched hers slightly. Rey breathed, still facing him, she closed her eyes.

She imagined the wall of glass that she had built between her and Kylo after the battle of Crait, after that night. She imagined herself trying to keep him out, blocking him off. Trying to forget their bond. She reached out, her hand sliding through the wall, letting it shatter.

A relief rushed through her, like water. She opened her eyes, “Ben…” she said softly, looking at him, “what…”

His hand was holding hers now, their faces just a few breaths apart. Their eyes met and Rey gazed into the deepness of them, she could feel the balance that came between them. However, she could also feel the familiar fire, energy burning in her soul again. Their bond had been rekindled, reinforced. It was probably stronger now than before.

“Thank you,” he said, when he spoke, Rey could feel the words brush against her skin. She put her hand over his.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I pushed you away.”

“That’s not… true.”

Before she could finish her sentence, he was gone again. She tried to hold on to the feeling of his sitting there, so close, beside her. She tried to feel the warmth he left behind on the bed, the soft brushes of his breathing. But, he had gone.

She yawned, laying back on the bed, closing her eyes, thankful that she could find her way to sleep.

 

In his room, alone again, Kylo sighed. He could feel Rey’s peacefulness, her calm through the force. He continued to sense her as she fell asleep just a few rooms away from him. He wished he could have stayed, he wished that he was laying there beside her, perhaps then he could find his way into the lost realm of sleep.

He had saved Rey from this fate, upon her letting him back into her mind through the bond he could grasp the darkness that was eating at her insides, control it, force it into himself. She did not deserve this.

He stood up, grabbing his cloak and leaving his room. He often went for walks in the mountains outside of the base on these sleepless nights, which were many. He knew the mountains well. The feel of the rock, the sounds that came from them out of the night. He had memorized the way the two moons of the planet shone their light on the cliff edges and the stray rocks.

When he wandered there, he imagined he was asleep.

The entire place had always felt like a dreamscape, a place where he could lose himself to the stars and the moons, away from the torturous reality of the day and the sun.

 

Hux watched as the Supreme Leader walked out into the night again, to brood most likely. Hux wondered if he ever really did sleep, if the rumors he had heard were true, that Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was plagued by sleepless nights and restless days. He had also heard that if he did sleep, he had nightmares. Loud and awful nightmares that could be heard from the corridors outside of his room.

But these were just stories that the guards told each other over night shifts in the First Order base.

And besides, Kylo Ren had no idea what a nightmare truly was.

Not yet anyway.

General Hux had looked into the eyes of a true monster, into the very creation of a being who had true knowledge of the Dark Side. Whatever foolish arts Kylo Ren had toyed with from time to time would soon become redundant, Hux thought. Soon everyone in the galaxy would see what Kylo Ren was, a boy. A sad, angry boy who couldn’t control himself and did not know what true power meant.

He could redeem himself, perhaps, Hux thought. Perhaps if Ren managed to prove himself worthy of the First Order in the next few days Hux would consider changing his plan. Destroying his creation.

Project Astotikas was a desperate measure he had taken to crush the Resistance and bring ultimate power to the First Order, a new dawn for the galaxy. But at the back of his mind Hux knew that perhaps the measure was too desperate, too risky. He knew that once the Project was in action he would have little control over the outcome. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Always the doubt, always the fear… Hux shooed such thoughts from his mind. It was necessary.

It was the awakening of a legend. The rebirth of a name, a name that no one would have to learn to respect. A name that no one would have to learn to fear. A name that did not have anything to prove.

The thought even sent chills down Hux’s neck, but still, his thoughts did not change.

After this, nothing would stand in the way of the First Order: not the Resistance, not Kylo Ren and certainly not some no-name scavenger from a godforsaken planet in the middle of nowhere.

It was a beautifully laid plan, and Hux realized that he had no choice but to put it into action. Kylo Ren was beyond redeeming.

His days were almost numbered.


	6. Underneath

In the dream, she was walking through a cave.

As she looked behind her she could see the light of the entrance, the dim dark beginning to settle around her as she walked further and further away from it. She continued to walk, facing forward. Her footsteps echoed around the walls, she began to hear her own breathing, feel the blood rushing through her head as sounds became louder and harder to miss. There was the sound of a slow and steady drip somewhere further on, a tiny droplet every few seconds. She saw the puddle of water.

Reaching out and touching the wall of the cave to steady herself as it became smaller and more difficult to navigate, she could feel that it was wet, cold. She continued to walk forward as the way became narrower. The air she breathed became stiffer, her breaths became hollower. She came to the water, leaning forward, she could see a reflection.

But it was not her eyes that came staring back at her, they were dark, and the face that looked in surprise belonged to Kylo Ren.

Rey awoke with a jolt.

She wasn’t in a cave, she was in the room in the First Order base. She reached up to touch her hair, she could feel the dampness of it. She could smell the aroma of the rocks on her clothes. When she looked at her hand she could see the moss left behind on it from when she had touched the wall.

She sighed, getting out of the bed. She would take a shower and then wait for Kylo to come with something to eat, she was hungry and still tired. Although she knew she had been sleeping for a while, she felt as if she had not gotten any at all. She felt as if she’d been up all night, wandering.

Afterwards, Rey sat with wet hair on the bed, waiting. He usually didn’t take this long. Somehow, he knew whenever she woke up and always at her room about half an hour later. From the clock on the wall, she judged that it had been just over an hour. Had something happened?

“Ben?”

 

Kylo opened his eyes. He had been sort of leaning against a rock face, he stood up, wiping the dew from his face. Had he been out here all night? He looked up the sky and hearing the birds and seeing the sun just rising above the mountain, he knew that he had been out in the mountains for longer than just the night. Then he heard it, an echo in his mind, possibly from some time ago: _“Ben?”_

 

 

Rey sat for another hour, simply waiting. She had looked back at the clock too many times to count and each time her head turned it seemed as if the time was going slower and slower. Then she heard a knock at the door.

She jumped out of the bed.

Kylo didn’t knock.

“Hello?” she heard the muffled voice of a stormtrooper outside, “is anyone in there?”

Rey took a breath. It was her chance.

“Yes,” she replied, “the- the door is jammed. Could you let me out?”

“Sure, give me a second.”

Rey walked up to and stood by the door, preparing herself. The door opened.

“Right – hey! Aren’t you-?”

Rey force pushed the guard into the opposite wall and dashed out of the room, she looked around her. The corridor was totally unfamiliar. Dark, windowless, but she knew that she was on a land base and not a ship. The walls were too thin and the materials weren’t right. There had to be a way out.

She started off down the left side of the corridor, looking for a door, hands out in case of discovery…

 

As Kylo reached the First Order base he realized that something was different, he reached out, searching for Rey… in her mind raced mild panic, confusion, adrenaline rushing through her veins. She had gotten out. He swore under his breath and started to run into the base.

 

General Hux was walking with his new captain when Rey turned the corner. Immediately, she turned to run in the opposite direction.

“Get her!”

Rey sensed the captain aiming at her and pushed them out of the way, skidding to turn the corner. Suddenly she heard a blaster shot and a sharp, searing pain hit her in the back, spreading through her body, paralyzing her. Hux stood behind her as she fell, blaster in hand. Three stormtrooper guards came running down the corridor, weapons drawn.

“Put those away, idiots,” Hux hissed, “she’s down.”

He sighed, trying to figure out how she could possibly have found a way into the base, he turned to the nearest trooper, “lock her in interrogation room A12, and you,” he turned to another, “find the Supreme Leader. I’m sure they’ll be wanting to _chat._ ”

“Yes, sir,” the two said simultaneously. Rey groaned in pain as she was thrown over the shoulder of one of the guards. She tried to reach out to Kylo, just for a moment, before passing out.

 

Kylo Ren entered the base livid and afraid. He made a beeline for the control room where Hux was waiting.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux greeted him, “did you have a nice stroll?”

Kylo looked at him, “what is it?”

“The girl – the scavenger. We have her.”

Without thinking, Kylo shoved Hux up against a wall, his fingers curling across the space between them, around his neck.

“Where is she?”

“S- supreme Leader I - …”

Kylo tightened his grip, “where?”

“Interrogation Room. A12! Release me!” he choked.

Kylo let go, letting him drop to the floor, and headed off to the interrogation rooms. Hux lay on the floor for a while, his hand rubbing his neck, staring after Kylo in hatred and humiliation.

 

Kylo entered the room, shutting the door behind him and slamming his fist down on the control switch that controlled the door’s lock mechanic. He knew that Hux would come after him soon, Hux would want to see Rey soon. He would have to wait until Kylo wanted to open the door. 

The sound of the switch smashing woke Rey, she saw the sparks flying from the switch and Kylo standing next to it.

“Ben…?”

“Why did you do that?”

“I’m sorry.”

“He would have killed you. He _wants_ to kill you, Rey. Hux. I’m the only thing standing between you and him shooting you through the head.”

“I said I was sorry, do you really think you can keep me locked up here and not expect me to try and escape?”

“This place is teeming with stormtroopers, Rey. You can’t take on all of them, especially unarmed.”

“So, you’re going to just keep me here, you’re sure your general won’t suspect anything when you don’t kill me?”

“I’ll think of something.”

“Are you going to try and convince them that I’ve turned to the dark side, that I’ll finally join you? Do you think they’ll even let that happen after I supposedly killed their former Supreme Leader?”

“I said, I’ll think of something.”

“I won’t join you, Ben. I can’t.”

He looked at her, “it’s killing me, Rey,” he took a step towards her, “at night, I can’t sleep. You, you haunt my dreams. You’re in the shadows. When you feel fear it’s as if it’s my own. When you’re in pain I’m in pain. I’m being torn apart, it’s because of you.”

“No,” Rey said, “look, it’s not because of me. I made the right decision. This… this road to power you’re determined to stay on, it’ll never lead to anywhere good. It’s not going to make the world better it’s only going to bring a downfall.”

“Things never get better,” Kylo said, “they only change.”

“Then you need to change,” Rey said, “please.”

He looked up at her.

“I can help you, Ben.”

“You’re the one doing this to me.”

“You told me to let go,” she said, firmly, “you said that I’m holding on. Holding on to the past. It’s not me. It’s you. You’re the one who won’t let go, who can’t let go. Look at yourself!”

Her voice raised and Kylo winced a little, she took a breath.

“I can still see it in your mind, Kylo. That fear… from the first time we met. You’re afraid that you’ll never be like him. That you’ll never be as strong, as powerful as Darth Vader,” she lowered her voice, trying to make her tone gentler, she could see the pain in his eyes, “Darth Vader is dead. You need to let that part of you die. You’ll never be like him… but you can be something better.”

She took a breath.

“I let you in, Ben. I let you in so that you could help me. You need to let me help you.”

“Enough.”

“Ben, please… please…”

“I said, enough,” he said. But his voice was soft, almost in defeat. He looked at her and Rey sensed… his mind, it was open. She closed her eyes.

“Rey…”

She found herself in darkness. A crumbling darkness. She reached through it, searching for the light. Within she found the most terrible strains of fear… anger… pain. Loss and regret pooled around her ankles like water.

_“It’s consuming you.”_

_“You have no idea.”_

Then Rey saw it, the light, just a speck. But it was bright, it was so bright. As she came to it she reached out, trying to touch it.

_“Rey…”_

It started to dim, leaving her.

_“Ben… please…”_

She could feel the struggle in his mind, the conflict, the confusion. She felt his thoughts like a shattering wall of glass all around her.

Eventually, she found that the light had stopped fading and a quiet set in. Once again, she placed her hand on it.

Something deep inside her started to leave, weakening her, but she could see the light becoming stronger, fighting off the darkness.

And between her hand, the light and the dark she began to see it… the grey, the balance…

But the light was being drawn from her, leaving her, and she could feel his darkness seeping into her emptiness.

_“Rey, stop. Stop, please.”_

She didn’t. She could feel it rising in her, she could feel it coming up against her soul, her light. But it didn’t hurt, she felt no pain. Only calm.

“Rey!”

The connection broke, fell. She was forced out of his mind. She opened her eyes with a gasp, the restraints on her wrists breaking as she fell out of the interrogation chair.

She looked up and saw Kylo keeled over before her, his eyes closed.

“Ben?”


	7. Sinister

Hux examined his bruised face in the mirror in his chambers. He received a knock at his door.

“What is it?” he snapped.

“There has been an arrival sir, a ship. The captain says he needs to see you.”

Hux smiled, “I’ll be right out.”

He left his chambers, walking through the corridors towards the base docking bay. On his way, he prepared himself. This was the end of Kylo Ren. He would wait, yes, he would. He would savor the moment Kylo Ren knew that his great and powerful reign as Supreme Leader was over. No longer would the First Order be commanded by a whiny child who called himself a Sith. No, Kylo Ren knew nothing of the Sith. Kylo Ren knew nothing of pure darkness.

But soon, soon he would.

But then he stopped in his tracks. Why should he waste this precious commodity on Ren? Hux was sure that they knew where the Resistance was hiding, and now they had the perfect weapon.

Hux called to a stormtrooper that was standing nearby, “call the Captain. Tell them to put together a troop for passage for Dagobah.”

“Dagobah?”

“Our recent information is certain that there is a Resistance Base there, small but growing.”

“Shall I inform the Supreme Leader?”

Hux chuckled, “no, leave him here. He is not to hear a word of this. And if he does, there will be consequences.”

“Of course, General.”

“In fact, if Kylo Ren is seen, inform him that he no longer has power here. Obey none of his commands. His privileges have been exhumed.”

“Sir?”

“You heard me. And if he resists, inform the base to retaliate. He is to be treated as a hostile force,” he paused, thinking, “and, he may not, under any circumstances, be allowed to leave this base. When I return I have something to show him.”

“And the girl?”

“We have no use for her. Keep her in the interrogation chambers. She will be executed soon.”

“Yes, sir.”

As the solider went off to relay his commands Hux felt a wave of satisfaction come over him.

 

 

Rey woke up on a bed. She had a searing headache, groaning she reached out to rub her forehead, catching sight of Kylo standing, faced away from her.

“Ben?”

“Oh, you’re awake.”

She nodded, “wh- what happened?” 

“You passed out, after you-…”

“Got into your head.”

He sighed, “yes. I was worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

He nodded, walking towards the bed, “Rey?” he asked.

She looked up, “yes?”

“You- I- I just…”

He didn’t say anything else, he simply collapsed on the bed, embracing her. Rey held him in response, drawing him close, “Ben, Ben what is it?”

“Thank you.”

Rey breathed, a smile forming on her face, she could not stop the tears from forming in her eyes as he buried his head in her shoulder, doing the same.

They drew apart eventually, looking at each other, into each other’s eyes.

“The balance,” Rey said, “we found it. It’s peace, Ben. This is what it feels like.”

He placed a hand on her shoulder, “Rey – I…” suddenly his expression fell, “oh, Rey. What have I done?” He put his face into his hands, “what have I done?”

“It wasn’t you, Ben.”

“No, no, no it was me. It was a part of me. I let it take control. I was – I was weak. I let it take over. And what I did… what I’ve done…” he looked at her, “I’m sorry.”

Rey pulled him close to her again, wrapping her arms around his neck, “I know you are. I felt it, your mother will feel it to.”

“My mother,” he closed his eyes, “she needs to know. I need to tell her…”

“You will, Ben. She’ll welcome you. She wants you to come home, I know she does,” she drew away so that she could look into his eyes, “she’s always seen the hope in you. She has always believed in you. She wants to hold her son again. She wants to love him again.”

“You think I can ever be loved. After everything?”

Rey looked at him, her eyes drifted to the scar she had given him. She touched it lightly, letting her fingers brush against it, “yes,” she said.

She placed her hand on his, gently pulling off his glove, “always.”

She held his hand, letting their fingers intertwine. She was reminded of the night in the hut, when their hands had touched. She remembered how nervous she had been, how much he had changed to her. She was reminded of the future that she had seen, a future that was now so, so close.

“I can love you, Ben,” she said.

 

Leia Organa was sitting in her quarters on the Resistance Base looking over future plans. They could not stay on Dagobah long, it was too risky. Too obvious. However, she estimated that they still had a few more days on the system, and thus a few more days to find a more suitable location.

And then suddenly, she froze.

She looked up, staring into nothing, feeling a slow wave of dread rush over her. Something cold and terrifying began to settle in her stomach. It was a feeling she had felt before. It was a feeling she had thought, no, she had known that she would never feel again. Her hands were shaking beside her as someone ran into her room.

“General, there’s a First Order ship entering the atmosphere, somehow our sensors didn’t pick it up before. It’s too close to begin a full evacuation, what should we do?”

She found herself unable to say anything.

“General?”

She looked at the pilot that was in her room, unable to respond.

“General, there isn’t much time.”

“Everyone. Get has many people out as you can.”

“We have a few more soldiers now, General, we could stand and fight if-…”

“No,” Leia said, standing up, “we can’t stand and fight. Start the evacuation now.”

“General, the ships are too close.”

“We don’t have a choice, now go. Inform Poe Dameron that an evacuation needs to start immediately.”

“Yes, General.”

As the pilot left the lights in her room began to flicker. She left it, glancing down the corridor. The lights flickered again and suddenly darkness flooded the base. She took a breath and started down a corridor, clutching the blaster in her belt.

She could hear the sounds of the base behind her as she walked towards the back entrance, she could feel the deep-seated fear that was beginning to pool in her stomach. She felt something strangely familiar, the remnants of an old memory. One from a time far, far away.

As she walked towards the entrance she began to hear the sounds of the invasion, she knew that they would come from this way. She had felt it.

She could hear the stormtroopers, the ships and something else. Very faint, but definitely there.

An old sound. A sound shrouded by memory and mystery.

As she approached the closed door, she stopped when she heard the attempt at opening it. Blaster fire. The door was blaster-proof. It would not be opened so easily.

And then she saw the red sparks coming from it, then it moved in a circle, leaving a molten impression in the metal.

A lightsaber could penetrate it.

And then it stopped. And the door fell open.

Darkness.

And then, she heard it.

The low, echoing, robotic breathing from behind a mask. And then the lightsaber was drawn, leaving a red light shining in the darkness.

And she saw him, fear flooding her.

She could only say a single word before the blaster fire hit her in the chest, just one.

“Vader.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update!  
> Please leave a comment letting me know what you think, if you want.   
> I’ll try update soon  
> :)


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